STOP THINKING OF FEAR AS A NEGATIVE EMOTION

Fear has always been painted as a negative emotion.

We’ve always been told to not be scared of anything, or to avoid things we fear all together. The whole “no fear” mentality pisses me off.

If you truly understand what fear is, then you don’t have to treat it as a negative emotion.

WHAT IS FEAR?

Fear is an emotional reaction to a situation. If you haven’t been in that situation before and it makes you feel uneasy, then chances are you will fear it.

In extreme circumstances, fear can keep you alive. It triggers our bodies “fight or flight” response (the sympathetic nervous system), so in those instantaneous situations such as a car coming directly at you at high speed, your instant fear response may well naturally move you out the way of harm. This is an instinctive fear.

But the fear we are talking about is a more delayed fear. One where we have time to think about a situation.

This often stems from us feeling we’re not good enough or equipped to take on a certain situation or task, or just not knowing what it’s going to be like.

Think of some examples where you have feared a situation. Handing your notice in at work, going travelling on your own, speaking to somebody you’ve never spoken to before, starting a new job, starting a family.

These are quite overwhelming situations.

But what about all the micro-fears we face each day, too?

I was squatting the other day. I had a genuine fear before my top set, because I didn’t know if I would be able to lift it. A fear of being folded up like a deckchair underneath the bar.

I lifted it (obviously), and it felt fucking great. Would I have got that feeling if I went lighter and didn’t fear it? Or just missed out the set all together? NO WAY.

This is an example of the micro-fears we face every day. Things like walking into work, not knowing what the day will bring. Or cooking dinner, worried whether your partner is going to like it or not. Or looking after your child, where you literally fear something every other minute.

People have genuinely called me fearless before. But the truth is I probably have more moments of fear every day than most people.

Daily or weekly, I fear my training sessions, I fear being underprepared for something at work, I fear speaking to someone, I fear not having the parenting skills to look after my son, I even fear parts of my job.

Not one of those fears is a bad thing in my eyes. It keeps me honest. I fear these things because I want to be the best that I can be.

I feel completely comfortable doing my job. I do it day in, day out, and I probably sound arrogant in saying, I’m bloody good at it.

But I think that fear is what makes me better than most. It stops me from being complacent. I want to deliver a great training experience every single time. I want to show why I’m so good at my job.

If I wasn’t bothered about what my members thought of my coaching, I probably wouldn’t be so driven to get better over all these years and continue to do so.

All of your feelings of fear come from 1 or more of the following:

1. You don’t think you’re good enough

2. You’re worried about the outcome

3. You have never been in the situation before

4. You underestimate yourself

5. You give a shit

Now think about some examples from your own life, where you have feared something. I can almost guarantee that your feelings fell into 1 or more of the categories above. But none of these are bad feelings necessarily.

Rather than thinking of these as negative feelings in your head and working yourself up even more, we can use this fear as fuel to get things done, rather than fear do the opposite and put you off doing it all together.

HOW TO DEAL WITH FEAR

Acknowledge it:

Accept that something scares the shit out of you. Drop the ego and acknowledge the fact that you might be a bit fearful of a situation. Accepting that means you can do something about it, rather than making other excuses as to why you won’t do it, then convincing yourself that’s the reason.

Rationalise it:

All fear is rational. Because it’s personal to you. Somebodies fear of talking to complete strangers might seem irrational to someone else who is very extroverted and feels completely comfortable doing that.

But it stems from something. You might be low on confidence or been ignored by strangers in the past when you’ve tried to speak to them. If that’s happened, then it’s a perfectly rational feeling to not want that to happen again.

Act on it:

Now you have gone through the shit stuff in your head, there’s only one thing to do.

TAKE ACTION.

The only way you are going to be less fearful of a situation is if you act. Using the example above again, if you build it up in your head so much then the fear is only ever going to get worse.

Far worse than if somebody ignored you again. Because if you keep avoiding it, fear wins. And fear loves winning.

If you faced your fear and acted, it puts the fire out on that fear. You then feel far more comfortable in that situation, it will probably never feel natural but it’s no longer at a point where it stops you from doing something.

Action allows us to use fear as our driver. We no longer need to rely on the odd moment of motivation that comes once in a blue moon.

WHY FEAR CAN BE A GOOD THING

In my training, I fear not being good at something. Rather than hide my weaknesses and shy away from them, which I used to do, I now use my fear of being shit at something to push myself harder in training. All in the interest of being less shit. If I don’t want to be shit at it, I’d better work hard on it.

You’re just not good at something or ready for something YET. But there’s only one way to be ready, DO THE WORK and stop hiding from it.

What’s the point in living half a life by not doing things we’re worried about doing. Tackle them head on and open up the world.

We’re not weak because we fear things. Weakness comes from letting those fears control what we do.

Life is all about challenging yourself to get better each day, in all the things that matter to you and your loved ones. That’s where you get satisfaction.

But if you don’t feel you need to prepare for something or get better at it, then is it truly a challenge? If you have a fear of not being ready or not being good enough, it drives you on to do things you never thought you’d be able to.

I was someone who didn’t act on my fears. I used to let it stop me doing things. Things that I thought I wasn’t going to be very good at or showed me in a bad light. But I wouldn’t admit I feared it, I used another excuse like “I don’t enjoy it”, “I don’t have time for it”, or “It isn’t the right time”.

Now I still fear things daily, but I rarely let it stop me doing things I either want to do or know I need to do.

We use fear as a deterrent in our heads. We use it to stay comfortable and away from the things that scare us, then try and mask it with other excuses.

But let me tell you this. Everything good in my life has come from a situation I have feared.

Travelling, buying a house, starting a family, changing jobs, university, taking on physical challenges, to name a few of many.

If you let fear win all the time, you’re not living. You’re just existing.

Fear isn’t a bad feeling. It just tells you that you give a shit about something.

Next time you find yourself shying away something because it scares you, try the “acknowledge it, rationalise it, act on it” approach.